Sitting in my car I don my sun hat and lace up my boots in preparation for a morning hike. My phone rings, and when I answer, I hear the voice of the attorney for our neighborhood association. He sounds earnest as he asks how I am.
My heartbeat accelerates, assuming he is calling to report the judge’s final ruling in our well case. Though I assume we will win, I know better than to be certain of anything in the material world. It is such an unsteady, mercurial place that one can never rely on it. Because of this, in the past weeks, whenever the idea of this judgment has entered my consciousness, I have released all outcomes to the Beloved.
Our neighborhood association did, as the judge directed us, try to settle with the woman I call Dee, who has refused to pay her well bills. See Be the Harmony You Want to See in the World. But she didn’t respond and so, all is left to the highest court in the land—the Santa Fe District Court.
Out the windshield of my car, finches chirp and leap among branches of an apricot tree. Puffy white clouds skate across an azure sky. Truly, I sense, the outcome matters not. What matters is my willingness to courageously walk through any experience, while holding the Beloved’s hand. I know that all arises in me, of me and for me. All is for my ascension in spirit.
The attorney’s emotionless voice does give me pause. We must have lost, I think. I swallow and take hold of the steering wheel.
“You won,” he says.
“Yes, the judge did award Dee the cost of a few repair bills, but on all counts he sided with you.”
As well, the attorney informs me, Dee is to pay the legal bills, which exceed the amount she owes us five-fold.
A smile stretches across my face, and the light shining in my car window takes on a golden hue. I thank him and head out on my walk.
As I traverse piñon forest bordering a golf course, I feel the mind take hold of this. It is elated, feels righteous. It wants me to jump up and down with joy over victory in a battle that has lasted some six years, taken hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars, and caused countless sleepless nights and furious tears.
I call on the Beloved and hold that response at bay. I realize that the victory is not in the ruling but in what I do with it in this moment. My attachment to my house, my money and my time caused this very karma. I had to walk through the experience in order to be where I am today, hiking among the beauty of an unshakable love that is neither for nor against any outcome, but instead exists in the bliss of the Divine now.
On the trail I round a bend and suddenly come into a view across acres of green grass capped in the distance by the stunning blue of the Jemez Mountains. Viewing from this higher vantage, I see yet more. This court case reflects my willingness to stand up to my material mind.
Much of my life has been dedicated to earning money, success and prestige in my work, even at the cost of my own well-being. My own high court has ruled instead for values of love and truth. Now my focus is much more directed toward kindness to myself and others, trusting that the Beloved will take care of my sustenance. This is cause for celebration.
I also assume that the struggle with this soul, Dee, may not be over. If subtle levels of karma persist, the Beloved will take me through them, and I am willing because I know the outcome will only open me yet more to the love that I truly am.
Win or lose, when I remain in the arms of my Beloved inner self, I am always victorious.
With that thought, I leap in the air and yell, “Yes!”
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Once again, you nailed it, Lesley. The truest victory is, as you so eloquently stated, in “the beauty of an unshakable love that is neither for nor against any outcome.” A constant theme with your teachings have become mine as well — that every experience is a reflection of something within us, something that is offering us a beautiful lesson, once we learn to listen and are willing to be taught. Thank you once again!
And enjoy the writing class today. I know it will be wonderful — I can’t thank you enough for the enlightening time it was for me almost a year ago. It continues to bear fruit. Your natural loving diplomacy and writing skills are blended to create the ideal experience for the student. They are fortunate that you are willing to be so generous with your seva.
Rudy, thank you for your kindness. That was my favorite sentence that came through in this post too: “the beauty of an unshakable love that is neither for nor against any outcome.” Truly, THAT is freedom. More and more I am able to exist in that place and I am so grateful to the Beloved who has taken me there.
The course went very well. It was more relaxed than my last one that you attended, so for me that shows progress.
Lesley, this post is truly sublime. You are so right that everything we experience is about remembering the Beloved in each moment and surrendering all into His loving care. You always do this so beautifully and courageously. I feel I gain spiritually every time you share one of your tests because your writing is just so tangible.
How I wish I could join your class today, but my current pinda life prevents that. Next time, I will be more ready to carve that space to take care of me and to open myself more to pursuits that still push the “fear button” in my mind.
Many, many blessings, dear friend. I look forward to the next time we can satsang.
Marian, I am happy that my sharing fortifies your lovely path. I so enjoyed our recent satsang and through it saw how much power your are owning these days. We are transforming every moment!
Lesley, So beautiful – I so love getting to go through your experiences. I am often deeply touched on my own journey. Thank you so much.
Sweet surrender is always the answer. Thank you for such a beautifully expressed example.
Thank you Barbara and Sage. Our journeys are so rich, and coming love them is truly the key.
Letting go and surrendering to the Divine will-one always comes out the winner-regardless of the outcome. So beautifully lived and stated, Lesley. Thank you for your winning courage and sharing your experience with us.
Thank you, Deborah. “Winning courage,” that is an excellent theme that I will take into my evening. As you say, it really is about surrendering in every moment.
Congratulations, Lesley–on every facet of this. You are in inspiration.
Thank you, Tricia. You inspire me by the way you turned the lemons in your life into lemonade.
Dear Lesley, as I did a reading contemplation on your post, I felt a inflow of Shabda enter my being as i resonated on all levels with your story. Your writing kept me spellbound, your wisdom channeled throughout this post, permeated my consciousness! It was so perfect for me on my sojourn of soul as I am also surrendering in ever deepening degrees, all outcomes to the Master. I realize now that since my 2nd Initiation all my Karma’s have been taken from the hands of Kal and are now in the hands of the master, therefore, every outcome is as it should be for my unfoldment in consciousness. Thank you for sharing your life’s experiences as you do in your blog as a means of channeling the Divine to us! We are all so blessed by the Masters channeling his word through you my friend!
Michael, your surrender is palpable, and very beautiful. Thank you for your kind words about my channeling His love. You too, with your enthusiasm for your path and your devotion, bring much to those of us you touch, so thank you right back. You are definitely seeing yourself reflected.
Lesley, as you so beautifully identified, nothing could happen on the outer that changes where you stand in Him. As you suggested, His love, grace and mercy suffices in all things. It is a wonderful feeling to not be swayed by outcomes in the world, and to joyously view all that comes our way as a great test and opportunity to choose love. Thank you for sharing your journey that deeply touches us all. Much love to you.