I walk room-to-room with a willowy woman who loves her cats. As we look over the garage, she talks of them, the ones from her past, who have died, and the two in her present life, who remind her of the past ones. She ticks off their names, so many cats that I grow confused.
My pulse accelerates with a desire to sell, to convince her that she must rent this house that I have spent thousands of dollars renovating over the past four months.
Our shoes clap across the new maple floors as we make our way through the hall into the master bedroom. There, where the air smells of fresh paint, she rushes to examine the walk-in closet. A smile stretches across her face as she examines the clothing rods and shelves where she might store her belongings.
Her enthusiasm eases my heart. Maybe, just maybe, she will want to live in this house that my late mother left me. Then my plan will be in motion. My ambition to have more time with my Beloved, rather than working so hard, will be realized.
We meander back to the front entrance and stand in a ray of sun shining in through the open door. “I love it,” she says. “It’s so peaceful.”
I give her a rental application, which she agrees to fill out and return to me. When she leaves, I feel light, as though my dream is within reach.
In the next few hours I show the house to two more possible tenants, and they like it too. I sense I’m on my way.
I sleep a restless night. When I awaken, I call on the Beloved and check my email and voicemail, but find no messages. Days pass without a word, and slowly the possibility dawns on me that my whole scheme might not work. The voice of doom speaks: “No one will rent it. It will remain a vacant space, sucking resources in the form of heat, electricity and taxes.”
The dream of more time with my Beloved—dead.
As I complete final repairs on the house, pay bills, grocery shop, and take my daily walk, those prospective tenants arise again and again in my consciousness. Each time they do, I ask for guidance and release them, coming back into the now.
As I detach and re-attach, I become like Elvis in my bed at night—all shaking hips and wiggling feet to the tune of my discomfort. I see my ego that wants so badly to do this right, to get the perfect tenant, to have an easy life. It holds on so tightly to these things that all grounds to a halt: No calls come from anyone.
One morning in my spiritual practice a truth emerges: I don’t rely on rental income. I am sustained by my Beloved. I am all sustenance.
I get up and make my way through the day, still a bit wobbly, but with more sure footing. I show the house to a young couple with a newly adopted child, two dogs and a cat—with so many pets not ideal tenants, but possibilities.
With each showing I become clearer about what would serve me: a tenant who is financially responsible, upbeat, with no pets, maybe. I feel myself reclaim my power in this creation.
Then, as I take my evening walk and gaze out across an expanse of piñon forest, I begin laughing. I laugh until tears fill my eyes. I realize that the very life I’ve wanted this house to help me create, I am already living. I have been for months.
It is a life in which I wake with the Beloved’s name on my lips. I sip the tea of Its strength, savor the food of Its kindness. During my daily walks I breathe the sweet scent of Its breath, and as I work at my computer keyboard, I tap the rhythm of Its heartbeat.
I need not wait for this life I long to live. Instead I simply live it. That is how it appears before me in the material world.
The outer life reflects the inner.
And the woman with the cats?
She called to say she wanted to rent the house, but the Beloved guidance urged me to decline her. That is yet another story of surrender.
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Image: Truchas, NM
As a former landlord, I cannot tell you how much I resonated with this. As a fellow human, I relate to this sense of restlessness, of discomfort in the “not knowing.” As a Baby Boomer, I remember the body language of Elvis. And then I smiled and let it all be.
Richard, what a lovely transformative progression. Fortunately, much of my restlessness left with this realization and I am now in the “let it be” phase. But every darn time, when my ego is on the chopping block, I squirm like crazy. Thank you for tuning in here, dear soul.
Lesley:
I owned rental property at one time and I found being kind and wanting to do the right thing for people opens you up for people to take advantage of you.
Be wise in who you put in your home and a six month lease is a good one I found.
John
John, thank you for your kind input. My years of being a landlord on other rentals have taught me to walk a razor’s edge of discipline when dealing with tenants. I dip my sword in the honey of Divine love and then use it to bring in truth. When I’m too giving, I get smacked and learn a lesson. I figure it’s all for my ascension in spirit. That goal takes away much of the fear.
Dear Leslie,
What a beautiful walk in consciousness. Thank you for sharing.
Lesley, I am always so in awe of how you seek the Beloved’s will and then are able to embrace it fully when you sense the guidance. You are truly courageous in your love for the Master. I find it so difficult to trust and act on what seems to be the Master’s will for me. Thank you for your willingness to share your experience. Your stories inspire and uplift me.
Marian, you are very kind. The courage you talk of definitely comes from the Beloved. When I am actuating it I am often trembling with fear. In fact, when I knew that I was going to turn down the woman with the cats I didn’t even want to answer the phone, but I did, and then I let the Beloved be the doer. I have seen you take stunningly courageous steps in your life, so truly the courage you see is you.
Renting a house is a big deal…I used to manage ten rentals of my own in the last century. Reflectively, we pay a hefty price for the rented home of our body. The landlord extracts almost all our earnings and energy, leaving soul darn near exhausted and exasperated. Your insistence to penetrate your earthly dilemma is inspiring. To get to the cause of things, we have to dig soooo deeeeeep within ourselves. Because, some fine day soon, we will be leaving our rented homes (human body)…all of us, and it behooves us all to make hay while this Son is shining! Thanks, sister! It is evident that you are, indeed, making “hay” and taking full advantage of the tidal wave of Love that is supporting us all, guiding us through these juicy life experiences.
Beautifully said, Al. I so appreciate the metaphor of the rented body. That came through recently too for me, that I need to be the tenant I want to rent to: responsible and kind. You too are making hay while the Son shines. I see it in your journey over the years and in the devotion of your daily posts.
If the rest of the house looks like the photo, seems like you should have no trouble renting — it’s lovely!
Thank you, Marilyn. Yes the whole house is lovely. The Beloved gave me an awesome team who came in and did the work. It was a fairly effortless process.
Dearest Lesley,
Thank you for sharing your story, your process. So inspiring and so moving. And so true, too.
May I softly say the perfect tenant for you will not only be able to pay the rent in full and on time, but will also deeply appreciate all the care, love and attention you have put into trans-forming this house. It looks so beauty-full and only someone special could live here. I have a vision of the Master smiling and winking because very likely He has already found the perfect soul to inhabit this lovely physical space you co-created.
I love hearing of your lessons of continued surrender to His Will. It reminds me to be the same. :~) Thank you dear soul.
Elsa, my being calms when I read your comment. Truly, it is already a done deal, with the perfect soul to aid in my ascension. What a lovely way to look at this. Thank you!
Dear Lesley,
The part of your sharing which most resonated with me was your desire to not work so hard in order to have more time with the Beloved Master. This has been so much on my mind of late, as I entered my second year of discourses. During the summer I became so accustomed to always having sufficient rest, time to read my discourse more than once, a slower pace to allow for more effective simran, viewing DVDs whenever I wished. The school year and 140 needy students draw my attention out and away; their concerns replace leisurely simran in the garden. My devotion is more encapsulated and often feels rushed.
This is when I must relax into His wisdom and love, release to His grace, mercy, and forgiveness, surrender to His will, and hope to ascend under His guidance. It is easier to be a chela when I am not so busy, but His will for now seems to be that I balance my outer and inner life and learn from the struggle. All I can say for sure is that this is the Path that I must follow, and I am grateful, for The Master, and for the many chelas such as yourself who generously and graciously share your experiences.
Leslie, what a beautiful share. I applaud the fact that during your summer off you use the time to draw closer to the Beloved. You could be doing a thousand other things. Truly that is living your dream. You also reminded me of the perfection of all, how being busy is like lifting spiritual weights because it’s more challenging to be centered. I wish you well with your students and know you are bringing great love into their sphere.
Hi Lesley,
The house is beautiful, I know your mom would agree!
Thank you for your post- this one really resonated with me. I’ve been practicing living presently and not thinking too much about what will happen tomorrow, “waiting for the life I want to live”. It’s amazing how simple it sounds to live in the moment but how much I find it a challenge!
Your words are beautiful,
K
It’s wonderful to see you here, Kathy. And what you say is so true: this post really is all about living in the present, and it seems to me that it is the easiest and yet most difficult thing to do. It is also for me the most pleasurable, because when I do come into the now, all the turmoil inside stills and transforms into love.
Glad you like the way the house looks. I think Mom would agree too.
Hahaha… I love how Garji puts us through the grind, makes us sweat, getting tortured by our own thoughts, desires, attachments of desire. When in the end all of that we thought we wanted for fear of not getting anything better or anything at all we just plain do not want because we now see the truth clearly and the potential burden this could bring.
Well written as usual Leslie. Beautiful experience.
How beautifully you express yourself, Lesley.
What comes to mind is the constant surrender one faces on the way to discovering ones true self. Is it possible to let it all go and follow our Master trusting that we will be taken care of all along the way? Thy will, not mine. We cry out for the Mater’s love and at the same time, cling to all our worldly attachments and worn out thought. We lock into the future, the “only if..” forgetting there is nothing but NOW. In this moment, allowing His love to come in, surrendering to His plan for us, communing with the One – NOW we have everything.
Patty, what you write here is beautiful and so very true. Again and again our Beloved teaches us that there is nothing but now. The more I practice this, the more I come into the sense that all is the Beloved, all is love, and thus I can relax into the great knowing.