I sit in court on the witness stand while the opposition tries to discredit me.
“In 2008, did you misread the well meter by thousands of gallons?” the opposing attorney asks.
I call on the Beloved. “Yes,” I say. My foot bobs and my voice shakes, but I sit tall and hold my head high.
“In 2009, did you make a math error in your calculations?”
And so the hearing goes as the opposition offers up my mistakes over the past five years. They are not many, but the attorney, a weak-chinned man with beard stubble, casts them in the darkest light possible.
Fortunately, our attorney has coached me. I am not to defend myself, nor even try to explain. Any explaining can come when he questions me later. Then I may tell how at the time, I owned and corrected each error.
Still, I am aware of the reflection—how in life we are continuously bombarded by our shortcomings. My tendency has been to fight, to defend myself. But I now know that is not necessary. The love is within me, and so when I make mistakes, I am forgiven.
I am love.
Even as I sit in the witness box, bombarded by questions, I feel the flame of my true self burning within. This is a power that can never be doused. It never waivers, and when I remain with my Beloved, it only burns brighter.
Months ago I wrote about our well association’s court victory over a contentious neighbor in The Divine Court. After that, the woman I’ll call Dee filed an appeal to a higher court, and so here we are.
The courtroom is larger, with high ceilings, microphones we speak into, and an overhead projector that casts the exhibits onto screens scattered about. The judge wears a robe and sits on a dais—his expectations loftier and more precise. But my goal is the same: It matters not whether we win or lose—I must stay centered in my Beloved.
As I leave the witness stand I walk in a cadence with my mantra, which I chant inside, feeling the love that I am.
The opposing side takes the stand to tell her story. Dee says that all of the conflict has arisen because of poor water pressure in her house. Due to this, and a litany of other reasons, she has refused to pay for well repairs and expenses over the past five years.
Her accusations are wild and unreasonable. She says we use magnets to alter her meter readings. She declares that we vandalize her property by throwing mice in her bathtub and rats on her land.
Over the years I have come to see this well and the water that comes from it as a symbol of material love. The ongoing fight reflects my own inner war. Each part of me believes that it has to battle to get its portion of the elixir. My mind, my emotions, my physical body, each attempt to steal and hold onto the power—the love—what little is available from the well.
A great shift has come, though, as I have truly turned my seeking inward toward Divine love. Like a tsunami It drenches me. I float and dive down into its wonder. I swirl, tumble, and marvel at its sweet bubbles and cool rivulets running across my skin.
Best of all, when I remain in this Ocean of Love and Mercy, my mind, emotions and physical body quiet. They stop fighting and surrender. What previously were many parts, become one great whole of love.
A gentle smile stretches across my face.
After seven hours of testimony, the judge sets forth his ruling. He sides with us on major points, but doesn’t declare a winner. Instead he asks us to take three weeks to attempt to settle the case. We are to responsibly share the well and its expenses, while determining a way for everyone to have adequate water pressure.
As we pack up our files, my mind is frustrated. It wants victory. But when we leave the court, I glimpse the blue Sangre de Cristo Mountains out the window, shadowed by stunning thunderheads, and see reason in the judge’s determination.
A win would have gotten us the money we are owed, but we would remain in the same quandary, with a part who refuses to cooperate. The judge’s order directs Dee to engage with the whole, to attempt to find a solution, something she has been unwilling to do.
I know my role in this quest for harmony. It is not to try to make the various parts come together—that is mind’s solution, and all these years it has failed.
My job is to love my Beloved self, to swim in the great ocean from which harmony births. I do my best to actuate love in the world. But what manifests is not my call, nor is it my business. All in the material world is an effect of my higher causes.
Truly, with the Beloved, I can be happy even as this well conflict plays out in the lower worlds.
Rather than fight for love, my task is to surrender yet more to It.
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What a beautiful contemplation, Lesley. Your commitment to staying centered in the Beloved is an inspiration to me. Your words speak strongly to the Love within me and stir it into greater manifestation in my life. Thank you so much.
Beautifully said Lesley….win or lose, stay centered in the Beloved…great contemplation. Great insight…spread the love no matter what the outer world throws….thank you for sharing your experiences… <3
Oh, Lesley. What a sweet ordeal! A grand orchestration with so many layers of reflected metaphor flowing throughout (the well of soul, the water pressure being diverted, the burning flame of our true inner being, letting the mind go instead of fighting; its desire to war, wanting victory yet viewing the thunderheads of disturbance in the distance in action there, the higher court of the Divine and of the higher self, the higher ruling to engage with the whole, working in unity to receive adequate water/elixir for all, diving into the whole of love in harmony). A big WOW. You have your victory, valiant soul—on so many levels. Its time to celebrate. Well done, my beautiful friend.
Thank you all for your beautiful responses.
Deborah, that’s a brilliant journey through the many forces at play in this piece and in the experience. You point out things I had yet to see myself. Thank you for all of your encouragement and soulful writing. You’re always an inspiration to me.
Well!! No food exists for the immortal Surat in the outer world…the battle for survival here is intensely competitive. The psychic powers have free play within the mind and this must be recognized,. moment by moment. We must learn, through grueling challenges, to transfer our attention from the “well of thoughts” (actually an agitated ocean) to the peace and serenity of His Radiance. You have some juicy Karma, Lesley! I can’t help but believe the courtroom, judge and your antagonist have all been blessed by your channeling the mighty Shabda, which is the true determiner of all outcomes. Well done!!
Al, I always appreciate the way you present the material world in its starkest light, which is the truth of it. I remember one day long ago when you and I sat on a bluff during a hike and you laid out for me the whole battle in the Bhagavad Gita. It was in inspiring story.
Truly we are in a war zone. Fortunately we have the greatest weapon of all–the Divine Force, which simply melts all opposition.
I hadn’t even recognized the power of the Beloved filling that courtroom, so thank you for pointing that out.
The Gita is a very small part of a huge story called “Mahabharata”, which means “the great war” in Hindi. Please know that my comments are laced with His Love, even though they may appear to be stark and utterly dry. I always have had a tendency to lean towards Gyan (knowledge) and, in my heart, believe knowledge is a critical component of our unfoldment. Love and Knowledge are perfectly blended in Sri Gary. The exercises and Satsangs are, after all, for our minds!! I remember talking about a lot of things with you years ago…glad that I could somehow be of service. Much love in your continued ascension, Lesley…which, by the way, is guaranteed.
As always, perfect in the moment.
I swear after reading each of your blog posts, I say to myself – best one yet! I think the one sentence that stuck out at me more than any other is, “I am love.” (You didn’t highlight it but you did give it it’s own paragraph) But to own that statement in my view is light years ahead of all else we do. Your response to your world experiences gives me insight, courage and motivation, as well as a sweet understanding of just how tailored each of our lives are for us.
Rudy, you are so right. When we can fully recognize the love that we are, we will be home. In the meantime we must cherish those moments when we own this in the moment.
And you are right about how well tailored our karmas are. We are each playing our own game, perfectly designed for us. It is the most outstanding form of Monopoly or Risk or Dominoes, whatever we choose to call it. When I view my life this way, it can become easy and even fun.
Yes, I did take the photo, on one of my recent mountain hikes. Thank you!
P.S. Did you take that beautiful image? It is perfect for the theme of this entry.
Thank you all for your wonderful comments. They have stretched my understanding even farther. What a gift you are. I’ve been out in the world all day, but will spend more time responding tomorrow. We are so blessed!
How desperately “Dee” seeks what you have in abundance. How often outer circumstances give us the opportunity to Be, in gratitude for the gifts we have been blessed to receive.
So true, Niki. I’ve come to see that the shadow within me and without, will never have enough “flow.” And so I must simply focus on maintaining and appreciating my own. You expressed this beautifully.
As always, I am grateful to be a subscriber to The Inner Adventure. Thank you for bringing us part 2. I would hope that somehow your channeling of Shabda will someday touch this unhappy manumukh. Her anger over the well is simply a symptom of her discontent with the pinda world.
I cannot add to the wonderful dialogue shared by Al, Rudy, and others, but know that I always learn from chelas as they satsang, even in the virtual. I sincerely appreciate your vulnerabilityle as you share your journey on our Beloved Master’s Path.
Lesley, as I read this at first i was shocked because I thought this battle had already been fought and won! Then to hear that is came back in an appeal I let go and just contemplated your story and was so impressed in how you channeled to us how you where in that court room, the battle ,but your attention was centered in the Master and what was to happen was out of your control because you surrendered your will to the Masters will. Each time i read from this post, I am blessed by your writing style and how you use it to channel the Divine. You are a blessing to all of us and your sojourn of soul is so inspirational to me and your friendship is cherished by me, thank you!