I awaken with a quiet lethargy. It tugs at me like a lead weight pulling me deep into the ocean. But I rise from my bed, do my spiritual practice, and head into the world.

I drive to the grocery store, and on the way, the weight bears down again. After a week of restless sleep and some health problems, I’m tired. For days I’ve been trying to find the courage to take the next step in my creation. In the upcoming weeks I will begin teaching two sections of my writing course. I have technology to learn and new souls to meet.

Today I don’t want to participate in my life, much less be the master of it.

As I drive I recognize this negative trap for what it is: a trick of the mind to keep me down. I call on my Beloved. Immediately I get the nudge to turn on the radio. From it comes a song I’ve never heard by the New York City indie band Fun:

If you’re lost and alone

And sinking like a stone

Carry on.

May your past be the sound

Of your feet upon the ground

Carry on.

I park the car and say, “Yes, I can carry on!”

I grab my bags and water jugs and step into the store.

In the produce section, I pick up blueberries, spinach, jicama and asparagus. Then I make my way to the bulk-food area.

While I select Turkish figs, the weight comes again. I am en route for a day of service to my mother, and yet I’m having trouble even serving myself. Again I call on the Beloved, and suddenly over the Whole Foods speaker comes Bill Withers singing “Lean on Me.”

Sometimes in our lives

We all have pain

We all have sorrow

But if we are wise

We know that there’s always tomorrow


Lean on me

When you’re not strong

And I’ll be your friend

I’ll help you carry on

Tears well in my eyes and drip onto my figs. I wipe my face on my sleeve, take a deep breath, and head to the meat counter.

The song provides solace, so I can give a genuine smile and thanks to the butcher who wraps my chicken. And I continue to hear the melody as I fill my water bottles and check out at the register.

While I drive to my mother’s house, I realize I can meet today’s challenge. I can make breakfast, feed and walk the dog, do the accounting.

I can give love.

And suddenly over the radio comes boy band One Direction singing “What Makes You Beautiful.”

Everyone else in the room can see it

Everyone else but you

The way you light up the room like nobody else

The way you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell

You don’t know oh-ho

You don’t know you’re beautiful.

That’s what makes you beautiful.

Corny, definitely, but I’m reminded that I am beautiful inside, where it counts. I turn off the radio and listen to the silence while I make my way up a hill and park in front of my mother’s house.

In the silence, the true Sound rushes in, filling me with love. It ‘s like floating on cloud high above all. Goosebumps cover my skin and smile stretches across my face.

As I walk up the path to the house, my recent favorite song comes into my head: “Ho Hey” by the Lumineers:

I belong with you

You belong with me

You’re my sweet heart

I recognize that it’s true, I do belong to my Beloved, and It belongs to me. When I love this true self, all the energy and power I need manifest.

When I open the door, I’m happily singing.

I belong with you

You belong with me

You’re my sweet . . .

Ho hey, Ho hey

The Beloved provides the song until I know the tune and can sing it to the world.

My day of service?

A total love-fest.


The songs:

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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