With a phone to my ear, I pace from my kitchen to my living room and back. My palms sweat. My throat constricts and my heart beats fast. Occasionally a voice within says, “You’re failing. This is terrible.” But I ignore it, call on my Beloved and keep talking.
No, I’m not breaking up with a boyfriend, nor am I trying to convince the IRS that my deductions are honest.
I am being the creator.
This is really an inner movement in which I decide that I’m not going to sit on my duff and wait to be spiritual. Instead I take my Beloved’s hand and launch into my Godliness.
Then I actuate the Divinity by launching in my outer life.
So I was guided to create a writing course. Rather than advertise it and wait for clients to pay, I simply did it. I planned the course and told my friends on my blog and on social media. Then I delivered it for free over the phone.
That’s what my sweaty-palmed call is about.
This kind of creation isn’t easy for me. I tend to have stage fright, and the virtual auditorium of a phone line only slightly eases the fear. For days before the course, my appetite deadened and my sleep felt like I was a chicken on a rotisserie, turning and turning.
So now, when I hang up the line I’m pleased. Some 40 people tuned in. I created something with love and put it out to the cosmos.
I head to my computer to see who has signed up—and paid—for the extended course I offered.
My heart sinks when I see that no one has.
I take a walk, return and check again. My arms hang limply from their sockets, and my heart feels as though it’s pressing up into my throat. I put so much effort into the free call and into planning my offering. But no one is signing up.
I have no choice but to surrender this. I give it to my Beloved, eat dinner and go to bed.
When I awaken I do my spiritual exercise, and the weight eases. I see that it doesn’t matter whether or not anyone signs up. What matters is my willingness to act in order to find out what will happen. I did my best to listen to Divine guidance and to walk through the fear. In that light, my course was a complete success.
I also see that all love and wealth are within me. I am completely sustained by my Beloved.
As I cook breakfast a quiet voice in me says, “I’ll teach that course. It will be fun, instructive for me, and a great opportunity to channel Divine love to the world.” I don’t know to whom I will teach, but that doesn’t matter. Rather than a need or desire, this is a quiet knowing.
I open my email box and there they are, my first clients, along with a few emails indicating more to come.
This is the dance of surrender and acting to find out.
When was an adolescent I learned to waltz, and I still love to. My partner and I take long, gliding steps to the count of three. I yield to the pressure of his palm on my hip and shoulder, but I must manifest my own part. So I step to the beat and sway to the melody. Together we float around the floor, our beings rising and falling as though on swelling waves. We disappear into the movement that is pure love.
This is how I come to be my true self,
which is God.
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Thank you! It’s all love and it has been received with open arms.
Thank you, Sherri, I receive the love back from you. It feels like a great bliss wave crashing over the cliffs of my consciousness.
Having been on your call I would never have known you had any stage fright whatsoever! Another reminder of not judging or comparing another’s outside to my insides. So besides writing skills, you apparently have great acting skills.
Your title and photo on this blog are so beautifully matched! The ideal and the image elevated my attention, and reminded me of the a song thru which the Beloved speaks to me; Save The Last Dance for Me, such an appealing love song that I want to dance every dance with the Song Maker, and at the same time I am assured to know that My Beloved never has me out of His sight as I cavort and swirl and trip and fall and have my fun on the dance floor in complete freedom but not giving my heart to anyone or anything cuz I know who’s taking me Home.
Sheila, thank you for your kind words about the tele-course. I really was able to relax in the knowing that all that mattered was that I stay with the Beloved. And I send thanks to you, and to everyone, who attended.
I have always enjoyed that song. “Don’t forget who’s taking you home….” It really is about unconditional love, which is what we have with our great dance partner. What a lovely description of the dance you gave us.
Surrender and love, attention and love, detachment and love, learning and love, the Shabda Master and love. Lesley, you are teaching me so much, and the lesson always comes in words of love. Thank you for lighting my journey on this Path. Looking forward to this weekend!
Leslie, yes, love, love, love, doing everything with love. When we do, we vibe with love and that overpowers all other vibrations. I look forward to seeing you this weekend!
Thank you, again, Lesley for sharing your experience so beautifully. I, too, have been walking through some fears lately and have been realizing that the fear is just the Kal trying to keep my from my own Divine path. Surrender and release have been coming a little easier as I practice and it is a beautiful feeling, knowing that my Beloved is there supporting me through it all. I know your class will be full of love and truth and will bring you great joy. Many blessings, dear friend.
Marian, what you say is so true. The opposing force really is here as a counterweight to catapult us yet higher into the love. Once I truly know that, I can call it for what it is and keep on walking into my new creation. I look forward to hearing more about what is going one with you.
Thank you Lesley for offering your free course on-line which I so much enjoyed and learned so much! I was very impressed by your performance as our teacher that evening of the course. I know that anxious feeling well Lesley, because days before a major seminar or presentation as an Investment Broker, it would begin! I have always lived by the code of,”there is no growth in the comfort zone,” and that is what you did, you got out of your comfort zone and rose to the occasion so wonderfully! You are an inspiration and i look so forward to being a student of yours in this exciting new writing program you have created for us all! Thank you Lesley very much because this is what I really needed to do to move forward with my writing!
Michael, I so appreciate your enthusiasm. It was wonderful to have you on the call and it will also be to have you in the class. I am coming to see what an illusion this bashfulness is, and thus it is losing power over me. The more I know that love rules over all, the more I can let go of the details and trust in the true force guiding all.
“…all love and wealth are inside us.” Love, sure, but wealth? What a foreign concept that we already have all we need, including everything money is useful for, but if we never act, we will never understand that, and it will continue to be foreign to us. I never read anything you write without learning from you. I appreciate that you are courageous enough to let us peek into a bit of your fear, your hesitation and your victories of all sizes. It helps me remember that even the bravest warriors deal with the same. I listened in on your class and the two messages I came away with were first, what a hugely skilled teacher of writing you are — your depth of knowledge of the craft and how to promote it was staggering — and second, what an enormous amount of free information you were offering — most would give 10% of what you offered and spend the rest of the time explaining why we should sign up for the other 90%. You follow the Path of the Masters — you just keep giving, and in the dance, you let the Master lead.
Rudy, you are so kind in your assessment of the course. That really was my goal, to give listeners enough to get started and use the tools. A day before it a friend reminded me that all that we embark upon is constantly revised, and so the course will be revised as I go. But it was a good start.
And yes, all we need is within. The outer simply reflects it. I am constantly reminded of this, and one day I will fully know its truth. Thank you, dear friend.
You are an inspiration Lesley. As a new chela on The Path, I learn from 1) The Master, and 2) Beautiful souls as yourself. Thank you!
Thank you, Kathryn. I am so happy to feel your beautiful presence here and on Facebook. You have a powerfully soulful presence.
Beautiful story, Lesley. I love the waltz metaphor, having done much dancing in my life. I’m so glad to hear your writing class project is launched and the customers are coming. Sometimes it is slow going with these online endeavors, but I see how the momentum builds as I keep at it consistently. I’m sure you can see that, too.
He asks us to have such unshakable faith, and when we do, we are always gifted with His grace. I’m stepping off a cliff with my online business, too. I have stopped taking insurance from my therapy clients so that I’d have time to work on Stamping Madly. Mind wants to worry about money, to be afraid I’ll fail, etc. But I can’t let mind run the show anymore. I hear it’s little freak outs, and turn back to the Beloved, trusting He knows the path in front of me far better than I. I just have to show up, do my part of the dance, and let Him lead. xoxoxo,
Sage, you are such an inspiration for me, the way you have stepped into your new creation, and what great news that you’re taking yet another step. These worldly endeavors are such wonderful proving grounds, where we get to play with soul’s tremendous power to manifest and thus come to truly trust it. I look forward to sharing the dance floor with you yet more as we waltz our way into the higher worlds.
You are just amazing Lesley! I l Love IT all!
“As I cook breakfast a quiet voice in me says, “I’ll teach that course.” I have deep appreciation for this as I am shown so much in this, from courage, to open contemplation, to deep trust all will work out perfectly.
And the waltzing symbolism is profoundly beautiful. I used to love dancing when younger, it was and is in my DNA I guess. I’ve slowed down with age and enjoy it more now alone with The Beloved, it just happens.
You got the Midas Touch Lesley, there is no turning back.
Siempre con Amor…:-) <3
Logan, thank you for your kind words. That moment when we move from fear into knowing that we can step into our creation is profound, and it happens again and again as we refine our vibrations into love. Thank you, dear friend, for dancing with me in your writing and mine. We are blessed to have words as a means to draw closer to our Beloved.