Recently I turned down a book contract. Even as I write this I shake my head, incredulous. This might very well be an author’s greatest sin.
But I had to.
The Beloved has shown me that the physical world is practice. It is the playground where I hone my skills that ultimately take me into the higher worlds, where love rather than force rules.
When I look back on my life I see this powerful truth in action. Early in my spiritual quest I wanted to see the world. Before I even knew of my power as a creator, I was living in a slum without enough money to pay my bills. While reading a magazine I found a picture of some pyramidal peaks glazed with mist in China and I taped that image to my wall.
Within six months I was there.
That experience marked the beginning of my practice at being the creator. I imagined other lands: Bali, Thailand, Borneo, Nepal, Kenya, Peru, Bolivia, and before long I set foot in those places. Of course I bore all the challenges that come with travel: loneliness, discomfort, noise, frustration and illness, but I also partook of spectacular beauty and adventure.
Now I take the same energy that went into those creations and direct it inward. That is why I turned down the book contract.
As I ventured into the experience I saw how much energy it was taking, to write the proposal, apply for grants because it paid little, and meet with my collaborator to discuss the complexities of the project. Above all, I wasn’t passionate about the subject. It didn’t pass the Hell Yes Test.
As well, the book would have required that I travel, stay in hotels and eat diner food. Though a part of me can still enjoy a good road trip, right now my health doesn’t tolerate such excursions. They make me ill, sap my energy and thus my spiritual connection.
Instead, I choose to direct that energy to staying home—not my material house, but my stationing in soul.
My decision to turn down the book contract is not an act of denial, but of love. I have written books, I have traveled, and through those acts I have come to know that the adventure, wealth, recognition and love that I sought out in the broad world can be had in any moment right within me.
Best of all that love is free of deadlines, picky editors, delayed flights, road rage and stomach aches.
It is a love that sees beauty in all of creation, a love that allows everyone and everything space to be themselves, a love that seeks nothing but to give itself away.
It is God.
So what happens when I direct that love inward?
I get to outflow here on this blog, while I sip my tea and wear my bedroom slippers.
Most importantly, I get to write about what I love most: God.
I can only imagine the power of redirecting all that outward-bound energy to my true self.
But where will I get money, you ask?
That question is not for me to answer. I simply show up and be willing to channel this love in whatever way the Divine would have me.
Already I’m seeing my new creation take form. My subscriber list is growing and the reader reviews of my novel, The Baby Pact, are stellar.
But I don’t have to worry over the details. In the same way the Divine gave me a plane ticket to China some 25 years ago, that power will also give me exactly what I need today.
In fact, It already has.
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The Baby Pact is a love-filled Christmas gift.
Here’s what one reviewer says on Amazon:
What a great read! Lesley S. King captures the universal longing we all have to find true happiness, and with raw honesty reveals all the many byways one can travel to reach their destination. This book has something for everyone, and beautifully weaves adventure, suspense, humor and drama in a story about self discovery.
Purchase your copy here.
Hmmm…early morning grist for the mill, Lesley. Yes, it is very important to manage time to its fullest potential, whatever the circumstances in our individual lives. Did you give any thought to the feeling of rejection your friend must have felt? Little does a woman know of what a man truly feels and experiences when his hopes are crushed. I am 57 and have experienced hundreds of rejections…and am still not “used to it”, especially if I am trying to connect with someone who has piqued my deep interest. You may be passing up a golden opportunity, my dear. But, then again, I am only a passenger here, posing as a man.
Al, you are so sweet in your concern. Believe me, this decision did not come from the any outer impulse, but instead from a deep knowing that I need not create in the way that I used to. That way was of the mind, which asks way too much in exchange for very little payoff. I created this book situation in a moment of fear of my new writing direction and it manifested very quickly. However, as I ventured into it I saw it had all the elements of my past creations, fueled by ego. Thus it became easy to let it go. As for my collaborator, I was kind in my rejection, though I will definitely take your words at heart and be sure there is not more that I need to say to him.
Boy, do I know of “the tiny payoff” which this world has to give one…in fact, the world exists only to rip us off! Only then will the mind finally see and know to go to Source, the Master, God, Soul, Sound – whatever is the term for our innermost essence and true Self. BUT – take this to heart, Lesley – if there exists the subtle desire for a companion on your part, you may have turned down a special gift from Him. Explore, my dear, observe, enjoy and burn the remaining seeds of desire which surely are present!
Thank you, Al. Well said!
As a fellow author, I can so easily relate to your experience. As a human being committed to an authentic life, I smile in recognition. Thank you for being so honest with yourself and others, Lesley. By the way, I am half-way through THE BABY PACT. A beautiful book that conveys great passion. Well done!
Ah yes, Richard, you of all people know the rigors of authorship and the allure of its power. And I know how you have let go of much of that in favor of a more authentic life. Your journey has been a gift for me to see. Thank you for reading and enjoying The Baby Pact. Yay!
I so enjoyed The Baby Pact. It was well written–flowed smoothly, and I could feel the New Mexico locations as you described them. I am suggesting that my book group read it. We at The Colorado Springs School are very proud of you, and as your friend, so am I.
Susan, I am so happy that you enjoyed The Baby Pact and that you are going to recommend it to your group. Yay! If you would like me to visit with your book group, please let me know. Maybe we could organize a phone or in-person visit.
Great for you. Just recently the Master had me catch that while He brings everything to me, that it is for me to discriminate in what I participate in. Even the beauty and grace of being able to turn on a dime and make different choices. Very powerful. I am grateful that our paths weave in and out on the Master’s tapestry and that we are given to Love.
Thank you, Karina, beautifully said. We really can wade into situations, test the water, and then make the decision of whether or not to enter fully. I find the more I direct my energy to what really matters, the more love I feel, and that is my true measure for every choice.
Beautiful! This takes great courage and as Karina said it so well……discrimination. This path is for us individually to walk in our own way and we continue to learn and grow into our ideal by doing this. Ah, what a great adventure it truly is. Inspiring post Lesley……thank you! I have yet to be able to say no to those things that I do not get a “Hell yes” from as my attachment to money/making a living is strong. One step at a time/moment and continued surrender to the Divine within.
Yes, Debra, that attachment to money/making-a-living is very real within me too. What I am being shown is that when I center in the love of our Beloved, I can create from that beautiful outflow, which is above the mind’s notion of “getting” something from the material world. I am just practicing this, so it is all very new, but I can feel the subtle truth in creating this way.
Though this seems like a bigger deal, since it includes a means of support, it reminds me of the moment to moment opportunities to choose where I place my attention and, as Karina said, to make my choices with discrimination, and always trust I am loved and therefore supported in making my choices.
I had to read the Hell Yes Test to understand what Al was referring to, but whatever the choice at hand, it is all about trusting that so called sixth sense, what for some of us is the still quiet voice (Word/Sound) within, instead of just acting habitually. It is so wonderful, joyful really, to know what we know, to know that we do know, to have full trust/confidence.
Mind loves to second guess; soul knows.
You are always stimulating & inspiring, Lesley.
Thank you for the afternoon contemplation.
Sheila, the point you make is profound. All on the outer is a reflection of the inner, and as I choose the greater truth on the inner, that reflects into my outer life choices. Usually for me I don’t even make a choice; it is much more like an inevitability. One day, I just knew that this creation was done. I had gotten what I needed before signing the contract, and as you say, “soul knows.” Thank you for your beautiful eloquence!
I call you courageous because you lay it out honestly yet smoothly, what a gift, to be disrobed with no fear.
Is there anything new I can say? Not really…all newness resides in The Beloved Master within, which makes this The Greatest Place to start Creation…but silly me…you already new that.
Thanks for sharing truth and love…You. 🙂
Logan, there are always many layers to what you write. I love The Greatest Place to Start Creation. I am just learning where that is and it is so very exciting, full of the same adventure I have always sought so hard, but now I no longer need to seek because it is already here, in this very NOW. Thank you for blessing this site with your presence.
Hi Lesley, this latest blog,”I am the Creator,” really resonated with me! I myself as you know searched outside myself for the same things you did. I have traveled to many places on this globe seeking prosperity, joy, peace and adventure and now also can go within and find all these and more! This is without leaving my home! Who would have thought! You truly are a pure and open channel for the divine Shabda Master and your love for that is being channeled to me and I know so many others. The part about where will the money come from really hit me because question was also my question! The answer then came for our beloved Master, not my own will trying to make something happen that I thought it should be! This act of thy will not mine, and surrendering all concerns to the Master is the greatest blessing! Thank you for channeling all that you do to me and all your readers! We are blessed by your presence!
So true, Michael, thank you! I am coming to see that my true income is the Divine flow. I RELY on that. Once I fill up with it through my spiritual practice, I can’t help but outflow it into my life. It is such an easy equation, so much more loving than all of mind’s machinations. It really is effortless effort.
Good for you, Lesley! You lead by your example; not just by your courageous decision to not take the contract, but also by feeling safe enough to write about how and why you made the decision. I’m impressed.
And what an interesting coincidence! Earlier today, before I had read your blog, I turned down any new patent work from the premie-baby professor in Santa Fe, even though she has hired me constantly over the past 2 years, for exactly the same reasons…it was taking too great a toll on my physical body, and stealing precious mental energy that needs to be focussed inwards, and not outwards on making money.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It helps.
Thank you, Bob, that is a great example right back to me. For so long I thought I had to hurt myself to earn money. Since our concepts create our reality, that became true. As that concept transmutes through love, my days have become full of effortless effort, when I let them be. Blessings to you and your health, dear soul.
I am late to the party, I see, and so happy I am, because I am able to glimpse at least one of the reasons you turned down the offer — your blog is growing into such a unique stopping place on the internet. The comments of your readers are not just respectful, but so inspiring! The fact that you respond to each post your readers make broadens and deepens the principles that each one brings to the table — and we all feast all over again. Thank you for providing the first meal, your incredibly courageous step into the unknown, right in front of us all, with no idea where you will land, and no concern for it either. It doesn’t taste like faith, but more like knowing, and it is delicious! And thanks to the amazing followers of your blog for expanding and personalizing, giving such new dimension to the original. Beautiful, warm, comfortable and loving blog. Such a sweet treat!
You are so kind, Rudy, and I love your feasting metaphor. Truly our days can be a total smorgasbord from which we choose what to partake. I am happy that you join in here and bring a delectable dish to add to the wholesome potluck.
beautiful! it brings tears of love for you and your clarity of vision! blessings to you!
Thank you, Sonja. A cried a few times as I wrote this just from the sheer love available to all of us when we are willing to accept it.
Lesley, I am so awed by your clarity and courage. I had to go back and read the “Hell Yes Test” and can honestly say there are not too many choices I’ve made that pass that test!!. Mainly because it never occurred to me to discriminate in that fashion. I love it. From now on, I will remember that test when making decisions. And will be emboldened by your trust that all will be well, even if I don’t accept the thing that seems to be falling in my lap. Thank you again for your honesty and openess and allowing the rest of us to share from your experience. Many blessings.
Thank you, Marian. I know of one decision you have said “Hell Yes” to and that is your spiritual path. Everything births from that. So congratulations.