I wake in the dark at midnight, my mind with an imperative command: Launch my novel, The Baby Pact.
The thought is so unyielding and potent that I throw aside my covers to climb out of bed so I can head to my computer.
Yes, I will do a launch, and I will begin NOW.
A year ago I took a course to learn how to team together with other authors so that on launch day thousands of people (ideally) learn about your book.
The sales drive your Amazon rating up and, in one day, you become a best-selling author.
I have seen the concept work a number of times. Just yesterday, a colleague of mine succeeded with her launch. That fact sparks the ambition that now holds my attention.
But as I listen to the quiet surrounding my home, and a coyote yowling in the distance, something in this potential creation rings false.
Really? I ask my mind. Am I to get up now and begin a launch?
Yes, most definitely, it says. You must!
Then my mind wavers just enough for a streak of light to shine through.
In fact I am adept at launching into the outer world. Many times in my life, rather than deal with the more subtle reality within—pain of lost loves, discomfort with a mate or job—I have launched to graduate school, to work in Asia, around the globe. I have left jobs, homes and relationships in order to create new ones.
All of that was perfect. No regrets.
But what if, this time, this singular now, I do something different.
What if I launch inward?
Rather than climb out of bed, I lie still. I breathe. I put on a spiritual CD and listen. My mind resists. It keeps thinking of all the tasks it will do in the launch, all the emailing and list making and copywriting. But I bring it back to the word of my Beloved.
Again and again.
The CD’s message is about associating with love and thereby becoming it.
In the quiet of that directive, I settle. I feel my body and realize it is vibrating with fear, as though a hive of bees buzzes in my core.
I am afraid I will fail.
I am afraid I will run out of money.
I am afraid there is not enough love.
The ambition that has ruled my life has been mostly fear. (Read more about this in the post We Are Gladiators.)
In this moment I am turning that ambition inward. And with that act, light dawns.
What if sustenance—survival—really does not have to take such sacrifice?
What if, instead, I make that sacrifice for my Beloved? What if I create love?
What if I really am sustained by love?
Suddenly I feel as though I have emerged through a dark layer of clouds into the luminous sunshine.
I soar in the freedom of that glowing reality.
Life can be gentle and easy.
In each moment, I choose.
The CD ends and I drift off to sleep. In the morning I rise and open my blinds to a new matrix, a new day.
I will likely do a launch, but it can be a balanced activity, and it doesn’t have to keep me up at night.
We are rockets with the power to launch into the heavens, to hurl ourselves to our sacred home. Any moment that I claim that power and direct it inward, I become the very love that I am.
P.S. The Baby Pact will be available next week.
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I am a fan of few things, many of these things have faded into a nothingness which slowly becomes clearer as a new vision emerges, like waking from a long slumber. It is beautiful…your writing…where it comes from. To be able to describe such profundity simply and with ease where many others can relate and take steps forward is a gift to be treasured in itself. That I admire and am thankful to witness in those who aspire not towards an outward greatness but to the Inner greatness of what they love and is Love.
I have no doubt that the passing along of this beauty and love will benefit those who yearn for something greater within them. Know that this also brings out the best in your spiritual peers as well.
Much Love and Blessings brave one…
Solo en El Maestro hay refugio y podemos descansar….Logan Jo’el
Logan, your post contains beauty after beauty. I appreciate your writing so much too. I realized today that I do this blog because it is what I know how to do: write. And it is a way for me to give to myself and others. We each have such talent and when we turn it inward and upward we are blessed beyond measure. Thank you for passing these along, and for your Spanish blessing, which sounds like a sweet song.
… what Logan Jo’el said. What a beautiful surprise ending to your story — creating and manifesting an enormous launch. The launch you share is so much more breathtaking, with so much more value than the one the mind was considering. You never cease to amaze. Thank you for sharing your bravery and the pure, open journey of your emancipation of this grand illusion. It is a gift to us all. Many, many blessings!
Thank you, Rudy. Boy is that true. Everything pales in comparison to the inner launches. How wonderful that we come to know that more and more and so turning inward becomes easier each day. I’m happy to share this journey with you, dear friend.
What a wonderful refuge you have found in the Sound and Master. The stillness which this brings is the peace which we all await our entire lives for. Thank you for so eloquently describing your process. Looking forward to your novel. Much love and blessings Lesley.
Thomas, I am so inspired by your steady walk, your clear insistence on soul as THE reality. Thank you for participating in this great experiment in Shabda.
Wow! Lesley, I am without words! Reading that blog was like a rocket journey itself! What you told me about my own writing and how to improve it was all magnificently expressed in your writing! I really can’t wait for your book!
Michael D. Baggetta
Thank you, Michael. After hearing what you’ve been through the past few days, I’m happy to know that this aided in your blissful skyward trajectory. And I’m happy to hear that my writing shows what I teach about writing. Even after years and years of this, I can fall asleep and lose track my strongest imperative: show rather than tell. And isn’t that true in the Divine teachings as well. Rather than talk about it, we are to courageously live this Divine journey.
Lesley, tears welled in my eyes as I read your words:
” I am afraid I will fail.
I am afraid I will run out of money.
I am afraid there is not enough love.
The ambition that has ruled my life has been mostly fear.”
The deep truth of those lines for me and my life is still tunneling into my innermost being dissolving old, hard places calcified with fear and denial. As always, your post came almost immediately after my conscious request for guidance and understanding from the Master proving again that “if you ask, you shall receive”. I feel moved now to excuse myself from work for the remainder of the day to go home and contemplate in stillness and quiet. How refreshing. Many blessings and many thanks, Lesley.
Marian, your comment inspires me to be very gentle with myself today. How wonderful that my post was a catalyst for you to courageously step into new territory. I know you are in a transition in life and I cheer you on as you follow the guidance to lead you where you most desire to go.
Wow Leslie !! A loving lesson in putting first things first ! Thank you ! And thanks to the others for their awareness & beautifully said words !
Thank you, Susan. Yes, I like that, “putting first thing first.” I needed to hear that today.
Very insightful, Leslie! I am taking it to my heart and pondering it all day…
I’m happy to see you comment here, Cynthia. Pondering truth all day…a great directive. Thank you.
Ah! wonderful reminder of the solution in every now!
Worth repeating, Sheila: The solution in every now. Yes!
Fabulous Lesley!!!! It brought tears to my eyes! I am SO HAPPY for you and your insights and the jewels and love that your inner adventure is bringing you!
Thank you, all of you. I was out of the office today and returned to these beautiful comments. I appreciate you taking the time to read and to respond. It warms my heart. More on this tomorrow! Blessings, dear souls.
Holding my breath throughout reading today’s gift! Your words and sharing were so welcome as night hours do seem to bring those torrential announcements…reading your choices and actions was so confirming. just to know that others are held responsible for “walking the talk” in such an arresting way, when the most vulnerable, gave me a giant boost! Your choices made are most similar to mine and the thing about that which gave my heart a hug was my often doubting myself for doing so, as if it might not be “enough” or “correct…huzzah! for your share.
Thank you so much, Bookchiq. I really relate to what you say because the mind will always think we should do more on the outer–it will tell us to get up in the night and do the launch. That would not be wrong, but it is like trying to steer the train from the caboose. We are so much more powerful when we operate from first cause, the inner. I’m happy for your boost.
Lesley, Thank you for the beautiful description of pure discrimination working in your life. To see through the false urgings of the mind, to feel the vibration of fear working within us, is a challenge for us all, each day and in each moment. I have been eagerly awaiting the launching of your book and love knowing how perfectly it was done. It will be a blessing for many, I am sure.
Thank you, Linda. You summed that up so well. Each moment we do meet that challenge and we have a choice which way to go with our precious energy. That really is the journey of soul.
It’s funny Lesley, I couldn’t go to sleep last night, even though I went to bed late. I laid in bed with my mind and body restless for almost 2 hours. I toyed with the idea of getting up, but decided that would be indulging the mind at the cost of the quality of my spiritual expercise the following morning, so I hung in there and continued to simran. When that was not enough, I talked to the Master, beseeched the Master and surrendered more deeply. I eventually fell asleep and awakened with greater resolve and a feeling that Soul was stepping on more solid ground today.
Fear has been a motivator in my life as well, when in truth, all I want is love and to be love. I often think about what is around the corner for me in every moment and the only thing that makes any sense, as you said, is to create love. I can’t bring myself to get motivated about any other cause or purpose. As you suggested, claiming my power and directing it inward is the key. I have let myself be battered by the mind’s agendas for too long. With the Master’s grace and assistance we can reclaim our power and soar on the wings of love.
Thank you for your courage and unwavering love. It is a great inspiration to me. Love and blessings, J
Jamie, I resonate with the devotion in your comment. Lately I have been thinking back to when I was in high school and went off to boarding school. Here I was in this amazing place, getting an excellent education, but all I really wanted was to be home in the love of my family. That is how I now feel when my mind chooses ambition over Divine love. Lower ambition’s payoff is so thin and unfulfilling, while the true love expands me into the entire cosmos! Thank you so much for sending your sweet love this way.
Pardon the interruption, Jamie and Lesley, but I couldn’t help, as I read each of your comments over and over, letting you both know that your messages are my evening contemplation. Two of the most amazing souls I know are discussing their divine cravings, and I get a front row seat! I am awed by the purity of your desires and the focus of your devotions. Just wanted to offer you both a sincere thank you.
Many, many blessings to you both!
Rudy, you are definitely seeing your own pure devotion reflected, amazing soul that you are. I’m happy to have you join in this love song any time.
Again, Dear Lesley, your loving words have touched my soul. The “Inward launch” is the answer that I have “asked” for. Having my mind twist and turn and torment me during my nights has been a great Spiritual exercise of going back to Him and Love. Thanks for the reminder and affirmation:)
Look forward to the new book.
Deb, you characterized that nighttime mind well: “twist and turn and torment me.” The path to our bliss definitely pushes us to endure, and we can, and do, even in those moments when we think we cannot. We are strongest in our helpless surrender. Thank you.
Thank you for reminding me again that fear of the unknown applies even more to exploration of my inner depths than it ever did to any ocean deep, but lasts only until I take the first step and begin transforming the unknown into the familiar and beloved.
John, thank you! What you say bears repeating: “…fear of the unknown applies even more to exploration of my inner depths than it ever did to any ocean deep, but lasts only until I take the first step and begin transforming the unknown into the familiar and beloved.” This is especially poignant knowing that you really have explored the ocean’s depths as a submarine pilot. It is so true, and best of all, the reward of exploring our inner ocean is exponentially beautiful: pure love.