The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”—Rumi
Today is my mother and brother’s birthday. For our little brunch party, I supply dessert: chocolate cake layered with mousse.
Though my mouth salivates at the sight of the delicacy, do I dare eat it?
At this point in my life, even a little dessert causes weeks of discord with my physical body and thus the rest of my creation. This karma layer cake is likely the culmination of a lifetime (lifetimes?) of reliance on such food.
Years ago a boyfriend said to me, “There’s no emotion at your ranch, there’s just cake.”
He was completely right. In my household as a child and well into adulthood, emotion was a force so powerful that it could not be entertained lest it take over. Rather than feel the pain of my yearning for God, I reached for food. (I also reached for wine, which I discussed in the previous post Find Your Inner Wine.)
I baked sour-cream chocolate cake, chocolate cheesecake with cookie crust, chocolate cream pie layered with pecans, chocolate-chip walnut cookies, and much more. At our ranch house we had a cart that I would wheel out after dinner to display all the delicacies. I ate while I baked, while I served and while I did the dishes.
That matrix continued through my life. As an adult I wrote about restaurants. Master chefs served me five-course meals that culminated in tiramisu, house-made coffee ice cream and Grand Marnier chocolate mousse, to name only a few.
Only recently have I come to more peace with my emotional nature, so I no longer picture chocolate in my imagination during times of pain. Instead, I call on my Beloved and sit and watch my emotions with compassion and love.
This freedom has come as a gift from my devotion.
At our little party, I light the candles, carry out the cake and initiate singing Happy Birthday.
I’m grateful that my emotions can now work for me. When I yearn for love, instead of reaching for cake, I reach for God. And I let my emotions play across the image of my Beloved and thus I soar into the higher worlds.
Today, while my family members relish the layers of chocolate, I eat a baked pear and enjoy what is truly important: my loved ones’ company.
Someday I may be blessed with the ability to eat cake. For now I am blessed with the greatest of all confections: Divine love.
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I pause from my lunch meal to write this: So beautiful to have a panoramic view and moreover The Beloved to share and create it with. I enjoy this Triple-Tiered cake you have made today…where did you get that Icing (Bliss)? 🙂 This is something to savor for many moments.
Takes a lot of discipline to back away from something so sweet. Thanks for sharing this Cake…It Is Magnifique!
Con mucho amor! 🙂
Logan, I’m happy you paid a visit during your lunch, and that my post supplied the dessert! Yes, it does take discipline, and even more love, to redirect my attention to the eternal. Seems you already have a good supply of the Bliss Icing.
Love Logan Joel’s comments, and feel just a bit sad that you can’t enjoy your own delectable creations.
Your Rumi quote is so powerful. I visualize you in childhood and youth, serving so sincerely those who you thought held the love you needed, but instead they wounded you just enough for you to seek the love elsewhere, with just as much childlike sincerity… until It found you. And fed you. Now you serve them again but from a much richer place, and it is they who relish the love you offer. This little story has so much depth and is a gift to us all (your dedicated and admiring fans).
Rudy, your note brings tears to my eyes. What you say is completely true. The pain of family life was what drove me to eat all those sweets, which really were a cheap substitute for the true Divine confection. It is such a gift today to have healed from so much of that old hurt so that I can simply serve my family and enjoy their company. While I hold God near, I feel no need to seek any escape. All love is right here, right now! Thank you, dear friend.
Lesley, I am so deeply moved by this post. You are so often the channel for the Beloved for me. Only this morning, I was contemplating my issues with food and particularly my attachment to chocolate and sweets in general. Thank you for your amazing perspective and for reminding me that I am not “wrong” or “bad” because my mind has attachments, sanskaras and engrams. My spiritual love and energy is simply diffused and misdirected. Although I don’t think I’m anywhere close to happily eating a baked pear instead of some of the luscious cake you made, at least you’ve given me greater understanding of what’s up with this sweet food addiction in the first place and shone a clear light on a Truth for me to behold. Bless you, dear friend. Please keep writing.
Marian, I’m so happy the Beloved spoke to your through this post. We are blessed to keep nestling closer and closer into the Divine heart, and as we do, we nestle more into our own–one and the same, of course. My merging with that love vibration just makes me want more and more. What a great incentive to let drop those things that keep me from it. Always in the Divine’s time though.
Some of my favorite attachments in the food and drink department are also saying no to me these days. I tend to think it is just old age, but perhaps it is my body growing wiser as I become more identified with my atma.
Last night I was out with friends, and it was so easy to honor my physical temple by being kind and loving to it and not inbibing what does not truly nourish me.
Like your question in the post Find Your Inner Wine, I need to ask my Beloved how it wants me to nourish myself, and then listen to that answer instead of my physical body’s cravings.
I always feel better when I do listen and comply. and I find that the pull of the material habitual mechanical can only be overridden by persistent and consistent connection with the Beloved, the sweetest sweet of all, the true Nourisher.
As always thanks Lesley for your loving reminders.
What you say is beautiful, Sheila, a great reminder that everything here in the material plane is practice in holding our Beloved’s hand. When I deny cake for my higher good, I strengthen the same muscle that I might need to deny anger or other overriding impulses. All is practice in loving my highest self.
thank you lover of love……..
there really is nothing more sublime than the Divine elixir
all of these paltry passions…………mean not much compared to the Inner Love
And how much gratitude we have for these things
that aided in our searching for the
Eternal
loving all that brings us back Home sweet channeler of the Shabda
So sweet, my friend who enjoys cookies. What you say is true and loving. All of these things “aid in our search for the Eternal”–beautifully said. Thank you!
Divine sweet treats for the heart and Soul! What a glorious celebration!
So true, Deborah. All of life really is a celebration when we are vibrating with our highest essence.