“I’m all in, calling out your name,
Even if I lose the game. I’m all in, I’m all in for life.”—Lifehouse
A year ago, all of my writing work ceased to nourish me, so I either left it or it left me. I wrote about this parting in the post I Can’t Wait to Go to Work in the Morning.
One day I was graced with an image of myself as an unconditionally shining sun. I saw that I needed to switch my reliance for sustenance from the outside to the inside. Rather than rely on writing and publishers I must rely on my Beloved inner self.
I asked God what that might mean and got the nudge to begin blogging in earnest.
I have endured many sleepless nights, and days when my fingers trembled on the computer keys. Meanwhile, much redirection has come. I learned that I must be as sincere as possible here. When I am not, noise results—criticism and arguing from readers. And I learned my task as a channel for the Divine is to share my experience, rather than teach.
I invested money and time in each post. And I set about publishing my novel The Baby Pact, to be released this fall. Meanwhile, I did whatever work came my way. I coached writers, helped my elderly mother, and wrote small articles for magazines.
My income has not completely covered the expenses, so I cashed in some investments to keep going.
I continue to ask for guidance.
This blog has touched people, helped them move more deeply into their spiritual paths, which is my goal—and so I’ve felt success.
And it has helped me most of all. As I write each post I listen over a period of days or weeks to the Divine flow—and my understanding deepens. I claim yet more of the strength of that unconditional sun, the originator, shining onto all creation.
So a few weeks ago, I got a call from a notable photographer who has read my travel writing and recently my blog. He asked me to collaborate with him on a book for which he has an interested publisher.
He chose me because of the spiritual nature of my writing.
After we met and discussed the project, I was filled with gratitude, for the book, yes, but that is in my Beloved’s hands. I’m really grateful for my willingness to give all to the Divine, to be “all in,” to do what is in front of me each day and trust that if I pursue my work in love, God will support me.
And God is, most of all in the love I feel each day.
That love is like skipping down a country road.
It is like a turquoise ocean upon which I blissfully float.
It stretches a smile across my face and calms my fluttering heart.
It shows me that I am eternal and completely sustained by God. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can harm me—ever.
I am that love.