For the past few days I’ve been in the doldrums–work has felt like a chore, and all I wanted to do was eat and sleep. I let myself do more than usual of both. Suddenly, yesterday, during an afternoon nap, I felt this intensity inside me and I recognized it as fear–very clearly fear of failure.
Rather than run to my computer to do something to quell that fear, I simply sat with it–explored it. It exhibited as a tightness in the chest and stomach, pain between the shoulder blades and a definite push to do something, anything in order to run from it, but that was it, and I didn’t run. Instead, I faced it and very soon it lost all power.
Today I woke with a sense of “What have I got to lose?” in pursuing my highest dream. Sure, I could fail, as that fear was telling me, but, so what? So I’m disgraced in front of my friends. It would only harm my ego–all my loved ones will still love me. So what if I do lose money or my house–they’re just things. But the ability to live creatively, to go for what is most important to me–that is worth the risk. This doesn’t give me license to act irresponsibly to loved ones, employers, or creditors, but it does fuel me with the ability to create fully in the now. What have I got to lose?